Kobi,
I've had a lot of people come up to me lately and say things like, "I bet you can't wait for a whole new year." I smile and say, "Yeah, 2017 wasn't great." But I don't mean that at all. Not the part where I said "2017 wasn't great." Because it really wasn't. It was the worst year of my life. I don't agree with the part that I am ready for a new year. While it was the year you were taken from me, it's at least a year you existed in. It's a year I have memories with you. It's a year where your life was celebrated and your death was included in every murder statistic of the year. You were taken in 2017, but you were also remembered.
I'm not ready for your murder to be old news. I'm not ready for the lack of events to celebrate your life. I'm not ready for your story to become an unsolved thing from the past that just gets filed away. I'm not ready to leave you behind. I'm not ready to start a new year that you won't get to exist in. A year that you will have never lived in. I'm not ready.
So please, don't talk to me about how great a new start or new year is going to be for me. Because I lost 2 people that I love dearly this year, and I don't know how to move on to a new year without them in it.
I miss you so very much. I love you even more than that.
Sissy
