Do you remember how incredible it was to be a part of our family during the holidays? It always felt truly magical in our home. For Thanksgiving, we would either go to Tennessee and be with our Grandparents there, or we'd stay home, have tacos, and then go to visit Grandma and Pepa. Christmas was always our favorite though. While putting up the Christmas tree we'd listen to Christmas music, our parents bicker about putting the lights on the tree, and then we'd spend the evening as a family decorating.
We had Grandparent's day with Grandma and Pepa, where we'd decorate their garage, play games and spend time with them before having their family party the following weekend. Their family Christmas was always a blast. I remember us always wondering if it was too early to bug them about rather or not we could open presents yet, and sometimes they'd let us cheat and open one a little early.
When Mom and Dad would go Christmas shopping, they'd leave me alone with you, and we'd spend an entire evening playing Mario or watching Star Wars together. Then they'd make us hide out in the bathroom as they brought presents in and think about all the things we might have gotten.
Christmas Eve we'd start the day at Mema's house with Dad's side of the family, then we'd end it at the Phi Delt's with Grandma and Grandpa. I remember getting so tired out there that'd I'd fall asleep on a pile of coats. We'd come home, read T'was the Night Before Christmas, set our stuff out for Santa and I'd get to sleep up in your bedroom. Every 5 minutes of silence I'd ask you if you were still awake and then we'd get started in on another conversation until we just couldn't keep our eyes open anymore.
Christmas morning, Dad couldn't contain himself any longer and he'd wake us up at like 5 am to open presents. He loved seeing our faces when we opened up exactly what we asked for. We'd roll our eyes as soon as we heard that Elvis Christmas tape come on the stereo. We had Tacos for dinner too, since it's one of the few things you actually liked. Mom and Dad would spend the afternoon cooking together in the kitchen while we played with all of our new stuff. And on the Christmas's where we got gaming counsels, we'd play those as a family after we all ate.
After Dad died, things were never the same. A lot of our family fell away. We stopped seeing Mema and Poppy as much. As Pepa's health deteriorated, family Christmas's stopped there too. Shortly after, we grew up, and Christmas didn't become fun again until Abby came along. You loved spoiling your nieces. You'd come on Christmas Eve and help us move the presents out to the tree and do all of our Santa responsibilities. And on Christmas morning, I was the one waking everyone up. Excited to see my own kids' faces lighting up as they opened up their gifts. You always wanted to take a video as they walked out into the living room and saw the massive pile of presents. You helped put together all the toys and take them out of the boxes. We didn't have tacos, but I did make sure I had mashed potatoes and Mac and cheese for you every year. We'd also always visit Grandma on Christmas Day. You've always been my favorite part about Christmas. Having you home, under the same roof as my husband and my girls, it was the most peaceful feeling I ever remember having. Home is where the heart is, and you guys were my home and my heart. It always felt like something was missing when you weren't home. It still does.
Since you've been gone, we've struggled with ways to take back Christmas again. Mom lives in Florida, you're gone, Grandma is gone. The first one I stuck to all the things we would have done if you had still been there and Mom was there. It was a very difficult day to get through. The second one, was just our little family, and we had a visit from Lisa, so she could help put together toys for the girls, something you would have done. Then we decided to make home made pizzas as a new tradition. The girls got to pick their own toppings and I had hoped it would add a little more fun to their day.
This year, due to the large amount of junk our children have, we decided to switch it up. We decided to spend our Christmas at Great Wolf Lodge, buy the girls less things, and make it focused more on spending time together as a family. 3 whole days, just the 6 of us, having a good time, away from all the sadness and darkness that Christmas often brings for us. I don't know if you'd approve, but I think at this point, you'd want me to do anything to keep getting myself through this. I wish Mom would come home. I wish Grandma and Pepa could be here, and Mema and Poppy. Most of all, I wish you could be here.
You'll always be my favorite part about Christmas. I trust that even though you're physically gone, your spirit will be with us on Christmas. Maybe, I can have a little bit of that peace it use to bring me when you were alive. Send me a sign.
I love and miss you always.
Sis
