Your Girls

Kobi,

This past Thursday, February 1st, marked 9 months that you have been gone. 3 more months until it's been a year that I've talked to you. That feels absolutely impossible to wrap my head around. On that same day, I had to fill out Kindergarten round up forms for your twin nieces, and it made me cry. The first thing I would have done is call you to talk to you about how big our girls are getting, and we would have thought back to when I first told you I was pregnant with them, and all of the sweet memories you have made with them. Instead, I sat on my floor bawling. Knowing you'd never see who these girls turn out to be, you won't know what kind of students they are, or what kind of activities they will be in. We did talk about it though. We talked about how Analise was so active and spunky that she would probably like to be in a sport like volleyball or basketball. We've always known Adison was going to be our dancer. She has loved to dance since she was a baby.

Then I started bawling, because I realized, Ally wasn't even 2 when you died. She isn't going to remember you at all. She isn't going to remember how immensely you loved her. She isn't going to know how you came to Riley to help with her big sisters while we got some worrisome news about her health. She won't know how you squealed on the phone when I told you that after months of trying, we were finally pregnant. She won't ever have her own memories of you. I will tell her how much love you had for that child, but she'll never know it first hand. It absolutely breaks my heart.

Abby is doing great at school after some much needed changes, changes you spent hours on the phone talking me through because I didn't know what to do to help her. She's still the great kid that she's always been. She's getting awards and recognized at school all the time for just being an incredibly kind, and good person. You have always been so proud of her, and I know you still would be.

These girls still talk about you regularly. Ally says your name, even if she doesn't know exactly what she's talking about. The 3 oldest kiddos though, they know exactly who you are, down to your favorite color and your favorite things to do. They know you, and they are always gong to know you. I would give anything to share all the girls newest adventures with you. Ally singing the baby shark song, Adison who is really into drawing these days, Analise who's liking one of your favorite shows, and Abby who is making all A's and one B. But I don't have to hear it to know you are proud of them, you always have been, and I've been sure to let them know.

My heart is so broken, knowing you aren't going to be making more memories with them. They deserved to have that kind of love in their lives, they deserved to be loved by you for longer, and you deserved the time to spend with them. I love you so very much. I miss you.

Sissy