It Takes Me Back

Kobi,

Memories of you and I, come and go often. They don't just come gently, they hit me hard and fast. They run me over and leave me drained and empty feeling.

Today I thought back to the day that you called me because Devon was hospitalized. You told me you'd be fine, as you were crying. But I looked back at Casey, and I told him I had to go. It was 10 pm, but I had to go get you. You couldn't be alone. You needed me. I drove to you, quickly. I waited in the waiting room of the hospital while you talked with him, and the moment you walked out, I rushed to you and wrapped my arms around you. I said, "You're coming home with me." You said through tears, "Ok." I could tell you were anxious. You were shaking in the car. You seemed to be holding it together, until you started crying. I reached over and grabbed your hand. I held your hand until you stopped shaking.  I wish I could just hold your hand and make all of this okay again.

Then I was spraying Tide scented Febreeze , and it reminded me of the last time I saw your apartment with you in it. I had helped you move the past two days, and the morning of the last day I helped you, I went to Walmart to pick you up some groceries and picked up some stuff to help you get the pet scent out of some of the items in your apartment. You wanted a fresh start, and I wanted to give you the best one that I could. Before we had everything all settled, you had to rush off to work. I stayed behind at your apartment and unpacked some things, set your coffee pot up and cleaned your couches. I wanted things to look better than you left them. Your apartment smelled like Tide, and I didn't even notice that I bought the same Febreeze at the store the other day. I fought back tears as I sprayed it in the living room, but then I kept spraying it in every room. Because even though it hurts, I love thinking of you.

The night that you died, I knew something was incredibly wrong. I didn't know what, but I paced my house after awaking from sleep, so completely unsettled. And ever since I found out, I have felt hallowed out. It hasn't a changed a bit. I miss you so incredibly bad. Everything about you.

I love you so much.

Sis