Kobi,
When you died, I instantly began waiting for something else. Like a plane falling out of the sky onto the house we use to live in, something, anything. I wanted a reason. I needed one. But over time, I began to realize, that no reason would ever be good enough for you to be gone. It wouldn't make sense, no matter how hard I tried to make it.You were gone, and nothing was going to make that okay or acceptable. Nothing. I wanted the end of your life to mean something. I wanted it to have purpose. I wanted for it to have been some kind of sacrifice for the greater good or to protect these girls you loved so very much. I needed it. But I'm not sure that I'll ever get an excuse as to why someone decided to take you away from me. That yearning for answers never goes away, and I'm convinced that it never will.
Every day, I look for memories on my Facebook of you. There is always at least one. It puts a smile on my face, but it also puts a sinking feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I'll look at statuses from my past just to see if you liked it or commented on it. It's always so crazy to me to look at the list of people that liked a status of mine, because it's so unreal to think that on that list of 40 or so people, you're the only one who is gone. It shocks me still and pulls the breath right out of me. Why are you the one who is gone?
It's been almost 3 years. My heart is still so broken. I wish I could love you back to life.
I miss you beyond words.
Love you so much,
Sis
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