Kobi,
I am having a really hard time. The past couple weeks have really been emotional. We lost a lady we both loved and admired so very much, then on the 23rd it was her's and Dad's birthday on the same day we celebrated her life, we had your first Christmas Eve and Christmas away from us following that, on the 27th I cried as I remembered losing Dad 13 years ago, 2 days later I did an interview about your case, and then I tried to bring in the new year without completely losing my mind.
The day after Christmas, all of our decorations were put up by 6 pm and out in the garage. I couldn't handle looking at them anymore. I cried as I pulled them all down, thinking of past Christmas's. Then I kicked the side of the box a few times because I was so angry that you weren't able to be here this year. Then on New Years Eve, after the ball dropped and I said good night to my children. I sat on my bathroom floor, and I sobbed until I puked.
Today, today I'm haunted. I'm traumatized by what they/he did to you. I have been replaying it repeatedly in my head. And I can do that because I have your autopsy report memorized, and it isn't because I read it repeatedly. It's because it was so incredibly traumatizing to read, that I know and remember every injury you had. I know where the bullets entered, where they exited(if they did) and I know everything they hit on the way. I remember exactly how you were laying on the autopsy table. I remember everything. I wish I could forget. But that could be worse. Not to know what happened to you. I just wish we could find the only other person in the world who can fill in the blanks for me.
I hate this. I hate all of this. But I love you, so very, very much.
Sis
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