Innocence Lost

Kobi,

Your nieces have changed. I use to sit and listen to them play, and they would only talk about horses, butterflies and regular family life. Now, what is left of my heart hurts when I listen to them. They talk about being afraid. They talk about bad people who might come and get them like they got you. They worry about the world around them in a way they never did before. They don't feel safe in their own home. They are afraid that the person who killed you, is coming to kill them, us. I wish I could tell them I'm not afraid too. I wish I could tell them not to be afraid, that I will always protect them from all the evil things this world may throw their way, but I can't.

I can't tell them that I'm not going to be murdered. I can't tell them that they will get to live their lives without being shot or raped. I can't tell them any of the things that I wish I could tell them. So instead, I tell them that I love them to the moon and back, and to the sun and back, like you told them, and then I tell them not to worry. But I do. Because bad men are shooting up schools. Bad men are shooting hundreds of people attending a concert. Movie theaters aren't safe, their schools aren't safe, even churches aren't safe. We live in a world where someone as kind and loving as you, was taken without rhyme or reason. And I can't take that away for them. I can't make it go away, as much as I wish that I could.

So while you are sending me your signs of love, if there is anyway for you to do so, please help your nieces feel safe. They miss you so much. I know you are always with them, but make sure they know too. They asked me today if you missed them, and I told them you did without any doubts. I need you around these next few days. Because 6 months ago today, I had no idea the next 72 hours would be the worst of my entire life. I love you so much it hurts, all the time. I miss you, Kobi.

Love you to the moon and back, and to the sun and back.

Sissy