Movement

Bobo,

Having my life go on without you is painful. It's the worst kind of pain. Watching the girls have new experiences or say cute things and not being able to call you and tell you all about it, it's the absolute worst pain I've ever felt in my life. It's like breathing underwater. I can't stop it, and I know if I continue living my life underwater, eventually it will kill me too. Eventually my lungs will fill with water and I will drown.

However, my life going on without you is something I could make excuses for. Because there were a few, very few times in our lives, where I was so incredibly busy raising these girls and going to school that I would only get to call you for a few brief moments before I had to get back to doing the things that were required of me. I have been able to get by some days since your passing by pretending that I would just call you when the crazy calmed down. Some days, it's the only way I breathe. But the other day, I saw your life going on without you. The Rebels are going to the playoffs!

You would be so proud, so excited, so incredibly happy. I could hear your squeal when you called to tell me the news, I could hear you rambling on and on about how hard you were going to practice and how great you were going to be, and I would have believed every second of it. I would have squealed too. I would have been proud too. I am still proud of your team, and do not let me sound like I am not, because I am over the moon for them. I squealed and was excited and then I noticed the tears running down my face...at first a few, and then I was sobbing. Your life was moving on without you too. That is a different kind of pain. That is a different kind of hell. You should be here. You should be here to tell me about your day, about your life, what has you crying, what has you laughing and everything in between. You deserve to be here. Which is more than I can say about the scum who took you from me. I know your team will carry you with them to play offs. I know they miss you and love you too. But you should be here to skate with them, you should be here to celebrate with them.

Life without you is just so odd, and quiet. The other day Sprint called to tell me that they were successful in shutting off your phone. I had left a final voicemail a few days before when I requested the shut off. I called your phone that last time, and then I called it after I got off the phone with them, I had to hear that it was disconnected, I had to hear that you still weren't going to pick it up. I love you, more than you could ever know....

Sissy